Why Do Kids Prefer Playing Video Games Than Sports

Last weekend, I took my kids and their cousins to the field for a fun game of football. Everyone played and competed like they never competed before. They ran and chased each other and completely made up the entire rules of the game. Everyone had lots of fun.

I paused and looked at the other group of kids at the park which was next to our field. They were also playing a game of football. But unlike our group, the kids on the other side were serious. Nobody was laughing, instead they were absorbed in the game.

Whenever one kid would make a mistake, the coach would go to him and tell him what he did wrong and what he should have done. The parents were also in the sidelines, shouting encouragement and their own piece of advice to their kids.

My group was also engrossed in the game, however they were laughing and enjoying themselves.

The other group was training hard, serious, and did not seem to have room in their mind at all for the word “fun.”

Most parents who sign up their kids in youth sports initially want their kids to have fun. But when the training starts, and they see that their kids have the potential, they push their kids to train harder. They soon start becoming competitive against the other kids and even their parents. The sport now becomes all about the parents, and not about the kids.

I think this erases the FUN factor from youth sports.

According to recent statistics, three our of four athletes drop out from organized sports upon reaching the age of 13. And, if you ask most of them why, the reason would almost always be about pressure. Pressure from the parents, their peers and in some cases, their coach.

Where do they turn to? Video games.

Kids turn to video games instead of sports because they are in full control of the situation. They may lose, but no one ridicules them for it. There are no pressure from their parents, and it is one venue where they can actually have fun.

I don’t know what other parents think, but I hate video games. I think they are violent, promote an idle lifestyle, and detach kids from the people and activities that are far more important.

Youth sports should be fun for the parents, especially for the kids. Kids, even if they make mistakes, deserve to be treated with respect. If you want your kids not continue with youth sports, they should not be taunted, negatively compared with other kids, and pressured if they are in fact, not ready.

Many kids have the potential to succeed, however, most of them lose their motivation whenever they start feeling uncomfortable with the sport. So, instead of pursuing it, they drop out.

For parents, instead of focusing on the competitiveness of the game, why don’t we focus on the “fun” aspect of it? The fun side of the sport will make your kids compete and determined to win.

For the coaches, treat your young athletes with respect. They have very vulnerable feelings. They are just kids and most of them cannot yet stand up for themselves.

Teach them the values of the game. Motivate them in the best way you know  how, so in the next game, the parents would have to push and drag them to the field. Instead, they will look forward to each and every game.

How Coaches Can Build Trust with Their Athletes

In a recent speaking engagement I had, another coach asked me, "With all the responsibilities that you have as a youth sports coach, how do you build trust with your young athletes?" It took me a while before I could answer the question, and what came to my mind were the things I learned from my mentor.

By being fair to everyone...

"There's no way you can treat everyone equally, but you have to make sure you treat everyone fairly."

There was one parent who approached me a few years back to tell me that when her son became part of my team, he initially didn't like me so much as his coach. He felt that I was always picking on him and calling him out. But a few weeks later, her son realized that I treated every single player on the team fairly depending on the situation, and that I didn't play favorites. It was then that he realized I was okay as a coach. In fact, I had a good relationship with that boy the entire time he was on my team.

By being organized...

Another thing that helps me build trust with my athletes is being organized. I believe that coaches need to have a specific practice plan before the practice, and they need to make sure the training area is ready before the players come in. Practice sessions need to flow smoothly from one activity to another, and they need to be effective and efficient at the same time. By being well organized, players can feel that their coaches are making an extra effort to be well-prepared for them. In return, players double their effort to perform well during the sessions.

By being enthusiastic...

Enthusiasm is another thing that shouldn't go missing in any sport. As a coach, my job is not only to teach players how to play the game. More importantly, I need to teach them how to LOVE the game, and the only way I can do that is to show them my passion for the game. It's important for coaches to make practices and training sessions as exciting, challenging, and fun at the same time. 

By valuing integrity...

I believe that having an attitude of integrity over winning is one of the most important factors that help build trust between players and their coaches. For me, it's important that my players see how unwilling I am to sacrifice my team's integrity just to win games. Players need to see their coaches not trying to bend the rules or cheat in order to win a game. This attitude of a coach teaches young players the importance of respect for the game and the ability to accept defeat.

What Took the Fun Out in Youth Sports?

I feel lucky to belong to a community where parents are actively participating in their children's sport. I enjoy having a chat with them whenever we get to meet at our kids' practices or actual games, and just recently, we had a very meaningful conversation about the current status of youth sports--  not just in our city, but in the entire country as well.

Many of them expressed their concern over the fact that their kids are growing more and more frustrated with their sport. They often hear their kids saying they want to give up and quit playing. And when these parents ask their kids why they feel that way, the common answer is, "I'm just too tired."

I totally agree...our kids are increasingly burnt out and beaten up by the present athletic environment that doesn't seem to be pro-athletes. Sadly, our youth sports is now focused on 'winning today' rather than the long-term success of young players.

Let me share with you some of the things these parents dislike about the trends in youth sports today.

"Youth sports has become more and more expensive."

It's a shame that town leagues and local play are slowly disappearing, and now, parents need to spend thousands of dollars to send their kids to tryouts and long-distance competitions or tournaments. While I agree that these are necessary for the development of young athletes, but not for those who are younger than 12 years old.

"Youth sports uses up a lot of kids' time."

In a highly organized sporting scene, a child typically has to spend around 5 hours (including travel time, preparation, warm-up, etc) for just an hour or less of actual play. This, I believe, is too much for young kids. We have to remember that they're not playing for a professional ballclub or tournament. Having them spend that much time for sports is like robbing them of their childhood.

"Kids just want to play; but adults want to win."

It's good that kids learn to be competitive at a young age, but overemphasizing the importance of being competitive and a winner is definitely not ideal. Many of us tend to forget why our kids love their sport in the first place - they love and enjoy playing. Many adults don't realize that by forcing kids to win games, they are actually making these kids lose the love they have for the sport.

So, is there anything we, as parents, can do to help our kids survive this kind of environment?

Yes, we need to do a better job at making our children feel supported in their chosen sport. We have to be their constant reminder that sports is something they can learn from and enjoy at the same time.

The Importance of Going for Excellence Instead of Victory in Youth Sports

Winning is addictive...it sure is. Many of our parents and coaches do their best to keep their young athletes motivated and dedicated to their sports because the adults want them to win. 

As a parent and a coach as well, I won't deny that I want my kids and my players to excel in their sport and become winners. I must say, however, that winning for me isn't what many people think it is.

I don't care too much about how many trophies my players win, or how many individual awards they get in a tournament. What I want for them is to become great athletes by developing the right skills and character that make a true winner.

Let me share with you this beautiful quote from Joe Paterno:

“There are many people, particularly in sports, who think that success and excellence are the same thing. They are not the same thing. Excellence is something that is lasting and dependable and largely within a person’s control. In contrast, success is perishable and is often outside our control. If you strive for excellence, you will probably be successful eventually. People who put excellence in the first place have the patience to end up with success."

Young players need to learn how to strive for excellence because it is in this process that they will learn to grow, not only in terms of their skills, but in the way they think as well. Excellence also allows players to develop on their own pace until they eventually reach their full potential.

Now the question is how you, as a parent, could lead your young athlete towards the path of excellence. Here are some suggestions for you:

- Educate yourself on the science of athletic performance, development, as well as child psychology. Don't let your child be led by a lousy role model. Instead, make him or her understand why success cannot be measured by the number of trophies he or she can receive.

- Let your kids compete with other kids! When you were young, it's likely that your parents just let you play and compete with other kids your age. Many parents today, however, tend to like the idea of their kids being able to compete with and win over adults. There's nothing wrong with being competitive, but you have to allow your child to enjoy 'playing' instead of 'competing'.

- Stop thinking about winning, and figure out other ways to measure success with your child.

- Let your child's school and sports club administrator know that you want your child to have transformational coaches who will treat your child and other kids with dignity and respect.

- Support your child all the way! Don't make him or her feel less when they lose. Keep in mind that your child also looks up to you, and is likely to be influenced by how you think of sports and winning.

Why Doesn't Being an MVP Make an Athlete a True Champion?

"Coach, can I ask you something?", said John, who's the team captain of one of our football teams in FNL. 

"I know you used to be a great player in your younger years, but why didn't you ever win an MVP award?", he went on to ask. His question came as a real surprise to me and as far as I could remember, he was the first one to ask me that. 

I didn't exactly know what answer to give him, because to be honest, receiving an MVP award was the last thing on my mind when I was playing. All I wanted was to win games, and win championships. And we did...and for me, it was very fulfilling.

As a youth sport coach, I always look for ways to motivate my players. I want them to have the desire to utilize their talents and to keep working hard to reach their goals. There are many ways I do this, and one of them is to get them to focus on winning as a team, and not as individuals.

One of the hardest to teach is to become a team-player. Why? Because we're living in a world where being noticed and recognized are overvalued. Whether it is in school, in the workplace, in politics, etc., people are always in search for ways to get attention and credit.

In sports, on the other hand, it doesn't work that way. 

What makes a true champion?

A true champion isn't someone who receives the most number of individual awards. He or she in not necessarily one who's frequently featured in sports magazines or TV shows. They are not the athletes who are consistently their team's best offensive or defensive player. And definitely, a true champion is not the one who scores the most points, hits the most home runs, scores the most goals, or earns the biggest salary.

A true champion is selfless. He or she is an individual who has an unconditional willingness to put their team before their own individual needs. In short, a true champion is someone who is willing to SERVE others.

According to Jerry Lynch, a well-known sports psychologist, selflessness is a very important ingredient in team harmony. He believes that without selflessness, there won't be any great individual success. And why is that?

It's because selfish behaviors are a huge distraction to the team's performance and success. When players think of "I" too much instead of 'We", they are likely to forget what it really takes to be true winners. All they will aim for is to be seen and given credit. This isn't what sports is all about.

Our youth athletes need to understand why they are on a team. They belong to a group or an organization because they have something to give. Once each of them realizes how important their contributions are to their team, it won't be long before they all become winners, be it individually or as a team.