Are You Really Being There for Your Young Athlete?

There really is no secret to good parenting. In fact, what works for one parent may not actually work for another. I've seen many different parents whose relationships with their kids are different from my relationship with my own kids. I'm in no position to say I'm better than them, and I'm confident that I'm not a bad parent, either. If there was one thing I believe every parent should give their kids, that would be their 'presence'.

Are you really there for your kids?

When we talk about the idea of 'being there for your kids', many of us would say they're doing a great job! They make sure they're home during dinners, they go on trips with their kids, and they watch their kids play football, etc. I personally used to think it was enough that my kids see me all the time for them to think that I was there for them. But my idea of my 'presence' changed during my son's important basketball game in school.

My son loves sports, especially basketball, and he's really good at it! He's a member of the school varsity team, and when they reached the finals, he was very enthusiastic in asking me to watch their championship game. I had to cancel my appointments that day because I wanted to be a 'good father' to him. 

But then again, I thought it was enough that he sees me on the bleachers. I had my smartphone with me and during the game, my eyes were hardly on the game because I was chatting with a client. I couldn't remember any part of the game except when the crowd went wild when the game finally ended. I stood up to cheer for my son's winning team and was surprised to see him being lifted by his teammates! It was only then that I learned he made the winning shot...

Upon arriving at home, my son asked me, "Dad, did you see me make the final play?" I couldn't find any words to say...I knew that he knew I wasn't watching...he knew that I was just there, but I wasn't really there.

What did I learn from it?

It's simple: kids love to receive presents from their parents, but what they will always remember and treasure is their presence.

As parents (or coaches), we have to realize that kids know when we are not paying attention. They don't really care what we're doing, because all that matters to them is that we see them. Children, particularly young athletes, need not just to be loved...but also to be noticed. And that motivates them a lot to be better, and to do better.

So what does this all mean for a parent like you?

Well, in my case, I now know so well that my kids' needs are beyond the material things I can give them. I've also learned that more than anything else in the world, my kids want my real presence...They need me to see them, to notice them, and to appreciate them...