Winning is addictive...it sure is. Many of our parents and coaches do their best to keep their young athletes motivated and dedicated to their sports because the adults want them to win.
As a parent and a coach as well, I won't deny that I want my kids and my players to excel in their sport and become winners. I must say, however, that winning for me isn't what many people think it is.
I don't care too much about how many trophies my players win, or how many individual awards they get in a tournament. What I want for them is to become great athletes by developing the right skills and character that make a true winner.
Let me share with you this beautiful quote from Joe Paterno:
“There are many people, particularly in sports, who think that success and excellence are the same thing. They are not the same thing. Excellence is something that is lasting and dependable and largely within a person’s control. In contrast, success is perishable and is often outside our control. If you strive for excellence, you will probably be successful eventually. People who put excellence in the first place have the patience to end up with success."
Young players need to learn how to strive for excellence because it is in this process that they will learn to grow, not only in terms of their skills, but in the way they think as well. Excellence also allows players to develop on their own pace until they eventually reach their full potential.
Now the question is how you, as a parent, could lead your young athlete towards the path of excellence. Here are some suggestions for you:
- Educate yourself on the science of athletic performance, development, as well as child psychology. Don't let your child be led by a lousy role model. Instead, make him or her understand why success cannot be measured by the number of trophies he or she can receive.
- Let your kids compete with other kids! When you were young, it's likely that your parents just let you play and compete with other kids your age. Many parents today, however, tend to like the idea of their kids being able to compete with and win over adults. There's nothing wrong with being competitive, but you have to allow your child to enjoy 'playing' instead of 'competing'.
- Stop thinking about winning, and figure out other ways to measure success with your child.
- Let your child's school and sports club administrator know that you want your child to have transformational coaches who will treat your child and other kids with dignity and respect.
- Support your child all the way! Don't make him or her feel less when they lose. Keep in mind that your child also looks up to you, and is likely to be influenced by how you think of sports and winning.
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